This web site
does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself,
the team, my company, my friends, my alter ego, or my cats;
all rights reserved; you may distribute links to this web site
freely but you may not make a profit from it; terms are
subject to change without notice; this web site has not been
safety tested for children under the age of 3; illustrations
are slightly enlarged to show detail; intended solely for the
private use of our audience; any resemblance to actual
persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely
coincidental; do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of
law; hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat; do not bend,
fold, mutilate, or spindle; no substitutions allowed;
for a limited time only; this web site is void where
prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted; caveat emptor;
prices may vary in Alaska, Hawaii, and Puerto Rico; web site
is provided "as is" without any warranties; reader assumes
full responsibility; past performance does not predict future
results and people can and do lose money; an equal opportunity
web site; no shoes, no shirt, no web site; do not drive or
operate machinery while viewing this web site; quantities are
limited while supplies last; if any defects are discovered, do
not attempt to read them yourself, but return to an authorized
service center; read at your own risk; parental advisory -
explicit lyrics; text may contain explicit materials some
readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised;
keep away from sunlight; keep away from pets and small
children; limit one-per-family please; no money down; no
purchase necessary; all sales are
final; you need not
be present to win; some assembly required; batteries not
included; instructions are included; action figures sold
separately; your mileage
may vary; do not remove tag under penalty of law; no
preservatives added; slippery when wet; safety goggles may be
required during use; sealed for your protection, do not read
if safety seal is broken; call before you dig; not liable for
damages arising from use or misuse; for external use only; if
rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue
reading; read only with proper ventilation; avoid extreme
temperatures and store in a cool dry place; keep away from
open flames; avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid
inhaling fumes; do not puncture, incinerate, or store above
120 degrees Fahrenheit; do not place near a flammable or
magnetic source; smoking this web site could be hazardous to
your health; viewing by pregnant women may result in fetal
injury; no salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added; if
ingested, do not induce vomiting, and if symptoms persist,
consult a physician; may cause drowsiness, alcohol may
intensify this effect; use caution when operating a car or
dangerous machinery; possible penalties for early withdrawal;
offer valid only at participating sites; slightly higher west
of the Rockies; allow four to six weeks for delivery; must be
18 to read; objects in mirror are closer than they appear;
disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood,
tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes
and other Acts of God, neglect, damage from improper reading,
incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized reading,
broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial
numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic
boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in
this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship
sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping
the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides,
forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be
limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers,
napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and
Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc.); other restrictions may
apply; contest ends 12-31-2017; contents measured by weight
only, contents may settle in transit; may cause random
outbursts of extreme violence, epileptic seizures, or
whatever; actual web site may differ from illustration on box.
